Macquarie Bank, in their never ending quest to improve their “profit centre”, otherwise known as Sydney Airport, have decided I needed some airport improvements for my next visit.
Now I had thought that what I needed at the airport were things like free wireless, more power points for those of us that use laptops and more comfortable seats for the inevitable two or three hours wait for the connecting plane, but Macquarie had a better handle on my needs than that apparently. What I really was pining for was some big arse advertising screens in every direction that my travel weary eyes may turn, complete with MTV style flashing graphics and of course, an ever expanding food court.
The food court is now in danger of expanding so big, as to make access to gates 49 to 59 nothing more than a faint memory. The expanding range of food options and tables and chairs now looks like a reimaging of the old Activision Pitfall game. The difficulty has been cranked right up however, as you don’t have access to any vines to swing across this obstacle and the crocodiles have been replaced by overweight people in queues for fast food.
The thought that you might just want to go from one gate to another without eating something that could add several kilos to your frame and deduct a corresponding number of years from your life, wasn’t something Macquarie considered probable. They had read all the stories about obese passengers taking up two seats on planes and figured they would get in on the action. They may not be able to solve the problem, but they sure know how to profit from it.
Today I contemplated running the gauntlet through the centre of the food court. Ducking and weaving around the Vodaphone stand, hereby known as the start line is fairly easy. I don’t make a lot of money and clearly this is easy to spot, as the Vodaphone staff, make no attempt to sell me anything. Progress is fairly swift until you get to the other end of the food court, where your progress is impeded by “Harry’s Café de Wheels”. Ironically not run by Harry or on wheels. Macquarie airport management are a cunning lot.
So here I sit. I have given in and got a Krispy Kreme ™ and I am watching and waiting for my chance to navigate the sea of humanity to gate 57 and ultimate freedom from this profit centre. Any hour now I will make my move, but in the meantime did you know Volkswagon have a Pirelli GTi Golf in Yellow….dam that big arse tv.